I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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