I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
