ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
