I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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