Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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