im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
