My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
