sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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