Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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