we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
