while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
