i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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