I'm lost and stupid without you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
