No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
