he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize