Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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