You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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