I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
