I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
