The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think my nap took me to another dimension
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
