There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
ttyl tear gas
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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