I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
