i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
