She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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