I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
