so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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