I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
