And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
