Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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