I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
