The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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