Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
