New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
