he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
