I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
