Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize