So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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