Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
