So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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