im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
