I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Can I color on your dick again?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
