well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
