Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
