I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
