Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
