tell your sister to shave her snatch
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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