Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
