Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
