I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
