quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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