you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Someone signed my nipple.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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