it wasn't lemon gatorade
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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