I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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