Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
