VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
