Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
