the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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