You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
