You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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