its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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