last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
